MORON TNR 9-26-2006

MORON

9-26-2006 - Happy Birthday Ron!! Pilot Knob.

This may be an abbreviated report. Bear with me my loyal recipients—next week will be better.
Bruno got old on us this week. I think he was secretly mad that we did not acknowledge his 50th Birthday on last week’s ride, but I figured this Tuesday was closer to his actual birthday (Saturday) than last Tuesday so….there ya go.

We planned a surprise attack with Alan, Danny, Big Dave, Craig, Mike, Dana, Pete and Matt Anacker. MATT ANACKER?????? Yes, Matt Anacker. Holy Cow—it MUST be a special birthday. So, I checked in on those boys and then went down to the Java Hut where I found only Russell trundling around looking forlorn. Ron and Fuzzy’s vehicles were in attendance, but not their erstwhile owners. I called, I thought, I cogitated, I spun. Could Ron have gotten wind of the conspiracy and counter conspired to bullocks our plan? Hmmm. Possibly, but where’s Fuzzy? Let’s look at Sunshine, see if they’re there.

OK, my name is Mo and I’m an idiot. They were drinking beer at Iron Springs. Phew! I was thinking that the Bell Market Crew might not get off on time to set up for the ambush and that I might have to sacrifice myself and pay a late fee to stall for time (of course I would generously spread the cost among the Bell Market Boys, but read on….), but, of course, there was Karen. Karen shows up late then wants to show us her phone.

“you see, it has these cool number buttons? And these other thingies, and it lights up, and sometimes it makes a ringing noise, and it is a camera, ………,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

Karen thinks ‘WTF? I already paid the $10, you bitches can just hunker down and listen!’

So, off we go to Deer Park, me, Karen, Ron, Fuzzy, Russell, and Peter H. We get to the gate after the school and Karen has to pee and Russell has to adjust his bike. Mind you, we are like 400 yards from the ambush that both Russell and Karen know about, but they have to do these things HERE and NOW though we will be stopping for a half hour in 22 seconds anyway. Jeezo.

So, ambush occurs. Ron’s reaction is confounding. Is he annoyed? Mad? Weeping on the inside? Doesn’t want to be reminded he’s 50? What gives, Bruno? We ply him with alcohol and he gets his panties out of a twist, albeit slowly. We ride up to Pilot Knob (oh, by they way, Peter H crashed on the flattest, smoothest piece of fire road known to man—perplexing, really. You thought nobody saw. I’m mean that way….) and did a coaster race along the way. Peter H won and there was much rejoicing—rejoicing that we didn’t actually hit the car that came head on during the race. Didn’t they know there were professional coasters on the course? Harumph!
Got to the knob and did a knob job fer sure. Beautiful Crescent moon, warm night, not a hint of a breeze. Alcohol was passed and protestations made. Somebody jacked my husband up on liquers and it was suddenly the funny funny I’m so funny and LOUD Pete Show. This is what it was like.

I’m Pete
LOOK AT ME I’M FUNNY AND DRUNK AND LOUD WOW!!!!!!!!
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anybody out there need one slightly used, slightly deaf wife? Grrr……

I—on the other hand—would never, NEVER get drunk, especially when riding. So when I was riding drunk down P. Knob I crashed a lot. Scars to prove it. I mean, not like Dave’s, but….scars nonetheless. We then did Pumpkin, Madrone, Two Owl, Iron Springs Pub. Peter H got a flat on Madrone, and we had trials and tribulations around calling in our food order, but in the end, all was well, we were fed (and “watered”) and life was good. People brought great foods to share and lots of over-50 fun.

(Happy 47 Ron).